after extensive googling sessions i’ve learned that it is not uncommon to feel some depression after weaning from breastfeeding.
and suddenly it all makes sense.
i breastfed the twins exclusively for 3 months.
from 3-6 months i was breastfeeding mainly at night (6-8 bf sessions between 11pm – 7am) and was offering breast for pacifying/snacking during the day.
the day the twins turned 6 months, a saturday, we introduced solid foods. day one and two with just breakfast and on the third day we added a late lunch. eating solid foods meant the babies were sleeping longer through the night, which in turn lead to two full nights of me not breastfeeding.
im telling you, by the 5th day of solid foods, i was laying on the floor curled up in the fetal position, watching them at eye-level practice turning over. i looked at the ceiling and said to myself, “something is not right.” i remember telling G it was like i had hit a brick wall. the feelings of sadness and despair hit me so hard and suddenly, that i was actually shocked and confused until i asked her about it – she confirmed, there is a chance that postpartum depression can occur while weaning.
i might be addicted to breastfeeding, i tweeted. there’s this hormone shift that happens when im nursing them – i feel so much love, almost elation – it’s a high, for sure. i feel my milk let down and there is this amazing peace that comes over me and my child. i think about how i carried them both for almost a year, how i grew them. i caress their hair, face, skin. it’s our quiet time to bond, each of them taking their turns. i bitched about not sleeping, but i would wake them if they slept too long and my breasts were full.
addictions do that to you. you want more and more and more.
i wish i could bottle up those feelings during breastfeeding and snort it when i need a jumpstart.
but alas, we are done.
while Gabriel has been fine without nursing the last two weeks (he has been over it for a while now – i have been tricking him at night while he was sleepy, my jonsing was so hard), my little Stella has had a much harder time with The Wean. in fact, since birth both of them were paci champs – taking to their avent paci’s like pros, which helped me tremendously when the dual crying sessions were in full force. but since i stopped breastfeeding, she won’t take the paci at all. she only wants to paci on me, and i can’t help but to give it to her. i dont encourage it like i did early on, but i definitely don’t say no when she roots for me.
i havent breastfed at all in the last three full days. and while im still a bit down in the dumps about it, im feeling much better than i have been since my last post. so perhaps it wasnt a case of PPD – maybe my baby blues were only weaning related? i don’t know. i guess time will tell…
if you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression, you are currently breastfeeding and don’t want to give it up just yet, here is an excellent post i read over on www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com called
it’s an excellent read. pass it on.