after extensive googling sessions i’ve learned that it is not uncommon to feel some depression after weaning from breastfeeding.
and suddenly it all makes sense.
i breastfed the twins exclusively for 3 months.
from 3-6 months i was breastfeeding mainly at night (6-8 bf sessions between 11pm – 7am) and was offering breast for pacifying/snacking during the day.
the day the twins turned 6 months, a saturday, we introduced solid foods. day one and two with just breakfast and on the third day we added a late lunch. eating solid foods meant the babies were sleeping longer through the night, which in turn lead to two full nights of me not breastfeeding.
im telling you, by the 5th day of solid foods, i was laying on the floor curled up in the fetal position, watching them at eye-level practice turning over. i looked at the ceiling and said to myself, “something is not right.” i remember telling G it was like i had hit a brick wall. the feelings of sadness and despair hit me so hard and suddenly, that i was actually shocked and confused until i asked her about it – she confirmed, there is a chance that postpartum depression can occur while weaning.
i might be addicted to breastfeeding, i tweeted. there’s this hormone shift that happens when im nursing them – i feel so much love, almost elation – it’s a high, for sure. i feel my milk let down and there is this amazing peace that comes over me and my child. i think about how i carried them both for almost a year, how i grew them. i caress their hair, face, skin. it’s our quiet time to bond, each of them taking their turns. i bitched about not sleeping, but i would wake them if they slept too long and my breasts were full.
addictions do that to you. you want more and more and more.
i wish i could bottle up those feelings during breastfeeding and snort it when i need a jumpstart.
but alas, we are done.
while Gabriel has been fine without nursing the last two weeks (he has been over it for a while now – i have been tricking him at night while he was sleepy, my jonsing was so hard), my little Stella has had a much harder time with The Wean. in fact, since birth both of them were paci champs – taking to their avent paci’s like pros, which helped me tremendously when the dual crying sessions were in full force. but since i stopped breastfeeding, she won’t take the paci at all. she only wants to paci on me, and i can’t help but to give it to her. i dont encourage it like i did early on, but i definitely don’t say no when she roots for me.
i havent breastfed at all in the last three full days. and while im still a bit down in the dumps about it, im feeling much better than i have been since my last post. so perhaps it wasnt a case of PPD – maybe my baby blues were only weaning related? i don’t know. i guess time will tell…
if you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression, you are currently breastfeeding and don’t want to give it up just yet, here is an excellent post i read over on www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com called
I lied to My Shrink… and Other Hazards of Breastfeeding
it’s an excellent read. pass it on.
Hi there – as a child psychiatrist and a mum to a 6 month old, I can completely relate to this. I have just started solids with my daughter (though sadly it doesn’t seem to help her sleep through the night!) and have been thinking about the process of weaning and have such mixed feelings about it. Stopping breastfeeding is such a huge psychological and physical/hormonal change that it is bound to have emotional consequences…
Hope it all goes well…
Hi there, I found your blog while googling for the same problem.
I think you’re being hard on yourself calling it an addiction.
It sounds like some sort of change to your hormone levels – especially when you describe the elation you feel when you are breastfeeding.
A month ago, I weaned my two year old off her morning feed, and all was fine and dandy. A week ago, I started cutting down on her last remaining feed, which is at night before she goes to bed – one night on, one night off.
For the last three days I’ve been feeling really bad – something like very bad PMS – I’m depressed and highly strung, and unmotivated. It was such an abrupt change, it got me wondering why. Lying in bed in the middle of the night, the penny dropped and I went online to find out more. While there is a little bit of sadness at knowing the end is near, my mood feels more physical than anything else.
I know twins are a quantum leap from one baby, and I would never challenge anyone on when they decided to wean….However, if you feel up to it, you might want to consider weaning quite slowly. I think la leche league talks about it as six-month process, which may seem over the top, and is definitely arguable, but it might help to know how gradual “gradual” can be.
Good luck.
My son is now 8 months, and I feel pressured to wean by 1 year… That’s 4 months away, and already I feel panic at the thought of losing that bond :/. I hope it continues to get better and better for you. I can’t imagine it’s been easy.