motherly smothering

i cant believe im 3rd trimester on monday…

I know.

are you freaking out yet?

(blank stare)

i want to keep them in.

You don’t want to share them?  They *are* half mine, you know.

no, i want them all to myself!!!  i want to keep them inside me forever!!!

im getting possessive.  i want to keep our secrets.  i want only me and them to know when baby A is awake or when baby B is dancing to music.  i want to be the only one who feels every single movement, the only one who knows what they are doing or when they are sleeping, or when they are hungry, or when they are not happy being squished because i keep trying to lay on my stomach when im typing a post.

like right now.

then and now

i had the nerve to complain about how fat i felt at only 10 weeks

and here i am, with only 10 more weeks to go

at the doctors office this past tuesday.  26w2d

26, feet like bricks

26 week stats:  213lbs, 208lbs, 45″ waist, 17″ fundal height

i have 23 chins. my chin seems to have disappeared and i only have a really big neck.

i can now lose 100lbs and still look like a normal human being.

i have one baby who loves kicking me in my special place down there, and another who is using my ribs like a xylophone.

i’ve lost that loving feeling and i have no idea how to get it back.

and my husband is still a pain in the my ass, but not the pain he was hoping to inflict.

the holidays were extremely difficult.  they were the first holidays after James’ death.  im still angry at the universe, i suppose, that my dearest friend in the world lost his life so young, so unexpectedly, and i just want him to be here.  i wish every day that i could just pick up the phone and call my best friend.  i know that it will take time, but it’s the reason i havent been phoning or emailing or visiting or writing.  im afraid to say what i want to say without sounding completely bananas.  i also know it’s the double dose of hormones that’s exasperating the sadness.

dr. appt tomorrow, so we’ll have an update posted before the end of the week.

stay tuned, and thanks for the love.

24 – we're ready for more

it’s new years eve, 2008.  wow.  what a year.

we found our dream apt and plotted our move up 4 flights

after five tries, we set our wedding date

we moved on up, and decided it was time to pull the trusty IUD and get things popping

the itty-bitties

here’s the update on the level 2 ultrasound, part deux:  all we know so far is that both the chiclets are measuring small.  we wont get details until the reports are sent to my obgyn, and he has had a chance to review them.  from what i’ve read, the twins might be small for several reasons -

1. my original estimated due date is wrong, and i actually got knocked up 6 weeks before the wedding instead of the of 8 weeks before the wedding which was the first day of my last cycle.  (um, we were *kinda* excited during the planning.  what can we say?)  this would mean that we conceived in august instead of july as we originally thought.

2. there is something physically wrong, with either me or the placentas or the cords, or the kids themselves.  until we get the reports back, we won’t put any energy into this because there’s only so much we can do with the information anyway.

hello, little ones

today's our big day – the level 2 ultrasound

im nervous.  i know i shouldnt be.  up until this point ive been really excited.  but now, just a few hours before, im petrified.  i know that however it turns out, whats meant to be will be.  i know that i will come back and write, good or bad news, about the experience.  i know that my partner will be there to hold my hand, and my cousin will come for moral support.  i know that we will be able to handle anything that gets thrown our way, because daniel and i are really strong together.  i know that im being overly paranoid, and that’s probably just the hormones talking.

21 – finally having fun

this past week might have been my non-sickest ever. thank god. everything seems to be stabilizing, and im not feeling as yuck as i have been for so long now.  not sure how i came across it, but i was doing a google search for how to force baby A off my ribs, and try to move baby B up and out of my pelvis. i came up with the highly recommended Pelvic Rock.

of course as soon as i got down on all fours the dogs came over to play, daniel got fresh as soon as ryan walked out of the room (big surprise), and i couldnt believe how many dust bunnies were living under the coffee table.

rock rock rock, take a break then rock again. an hour later, i felt my right side fill up where it was soft and empty all these weeks – did baby B move? it sure feels like it! we’ll find out on friday during our MAJOR ultrasound. the big ole level II.  it’s when we could find out genders if we wanted to, but probably wont.

maybe.

20 week checkup – not so much

daniel schedules his days off during the week so that he can go to my dr’s appointments with me.  yesterday was his day off.  he invited me to a movie of his choosing (it was his turn) so i sat through my first james bond movie all in the name of good and loving partnership.  and i only had to pee twice.  obviously, i didnt order the slurpee.  afterwards, we jumped on the B train and headed up to 97th and Central Park West to see my wonderful OBGYN.  as we approached the building, we see my dr doing a mad dash in the opposite direction.  are you coming back? i asked as he whizzed by me.  soon! soon! he replied.  once in the office we are told he had an emergency C section at St Lukes/Roosevelt.

him running in the streets to go to a C section confirmed our hopes – that he would be all over it if we are having an emergency too.

so we grabbed a slice, and headed over to Amsterdam to check out cribs.

God's gift to the expanding waistline: The Secret Fit Belly

we had been putting this off for as long as possible.  but when we were getting ready to meet his friends for his birthday dinner out in CT, and i had absolutely *nothing* that fit me except a pair of black yoga pants and a stretchy thermal longsleeve that i fished out of his tshirt drawer while he was showering. i knew it was time to just accept the fact that i needed buy maternity gear asap.

hey!  is that my….?

um yea.  it was the only thing that i could find that you owned that wasnt too baggy.

::insert evil eye and the i-dare-you-to-make-me-take-it-off expression here::

well, thank goodness it’s an undershirt!

my husband doesnt mind taking one for the team, when he knows what’s good for him.

so, i had no idea where to begin searching for maternity clothes that weren’t going to cost a fortune and actually have my now very large size 14-16.

the first place that came to mind was to find something in harlem.  there are slews of plus-sized mama’s with hella badunkadunk in the trunks, and damn if those woman dont care about getting their style on. hair and nail salons everywhere – worse than inwood!  if there was any place in manhattan to go – it had to be 125th street.

i presented this to daniel the day before his “day off” from work.  dude was hijacked and he knew it.

honey, you wanna go shopping with me?

What did you have in mind?

i really need maternity clothes.

Sure.

yay!  btw, you rock.

So I hear.

(next day)

Where are we going?

harlem, i mumbled.

::blank stare::

125th and lexington.

Wait, we have to go CROSSTOWN NOW??

and off we were.

listen, im only going to be wearing this shit for the next three months, tops, and i looked on ebay for used items, second hand stuff, asked around, looked again.  my feet and legs get so swollen if im up on them for any more than 3-4 hours at a time, and so i knew heading down to 34th street and trying to beat back the tourists was not an option.  harlem is a mere 15 minutes away from our home uptown. not a lot of walking involved.  it was a win-win.

after scanning the archives in the twinstuff forums, i finally found a thread that a woman had posted with the same dilemma – WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO WEAR???

see, multiple is not normal in any way shape or form.  when i saw my aunt on thanksgiving, she couldnt believe how LUMPY my belly is.  well there’s one here, and one there, I explained.  sometimes one hangs out down here, sometimes the other is up there but lately they switch positions a lot. im a fucking freakshow.

anyway, with twins you can forget all the “regular” maternity clothes.  the shirts will never be long enough to cover the bottom of your belly when you are close to the end, but i was determined to find something close to it.  we went to the much recommended maternity store Motherhood on 125th & lex because this location carried the plus sizes i was looking for, and found the most amazing jeans ever – they were stretchy and comfy and the waist was felt like it was made of the cami material that i used to layer under my sweaters when i was a skinny-minny.

best part of it all:  the old navy prices and 2fer deals.

it was fucking heaven.

know anybody who is preggers?   gift them with a pair of Secret Fit Belly jeans.

they will worship you forever and you’ll save some of your hard earned cash.

it’s a no-brainer.